He Calms my every fears....

FEAR:

1.a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Synonyms: foreboding, apprehension, consternation, dismay, dread, terror, fright, panic, horror, trepidation, qualm. Antonyms: courage, security, calm, intrepidity.

Fear. If I was honest, I am almost in constant fear. Fear of pain, fear of evil, fear of what is going to happen tomorrow. Oh and this is not a tiny fear. This is a huge fear. The kind that you want to curl up and cry your eyes out fear. Right now I'm afraid. I'm afraid that this morning when I try to get up I'm not going to be able to. Why? I'm exhausted. I live under quite a bit of stress and it seems to just be piling up. I'm constantly fighting to be of health wise, and yet I seem to loose a bit each day. I not just tired from stress and the fact that my health is crappy,  I'm also exhausted from arguing with myself. It seems like when we are down and worn out those are the times Satan attacks.
This Sunday as I was teaching Sunday school, we were talking about the beginning our memory verse.(Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?) I asked the girls:"What is the opposite of fear?" Becca"Trust" I positively agree. In order to conquer our fears we need to trust in God. 
So what is the definition of trust? 
TRUST:

reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.Confident expectation of something; hope.
We need to rely on God every day, for every thing. We need to trust that He has everything under control. In order to do that we have to let go of our human tendency of trying to be in control. I know  that things go haywire when I believe that I'm in control, generally because I stress that everything has to be perfect of my way. If I give the day over to God minute by minute then He is in control! I just need to move on with life and do the best I can. Give the worry and fear to Him. Just so y'all know..... this is NOT something I've conquered. I'm working on it and there are BAD days. But I've also noticed some good days, the days that I lean on Him. This is definitely an area that you can be praying for me on. 
I am a song person :D I love music and I feel that God sometimes uses music to speak to us in times that we do not really want to listen. I know that happens to me quite often. This song recently was playing on the radio (KLOVE Christian radio) and even though I had heard it before it really spoke to me this time. Read the lyrics. I hope they speak to you as they did to me. REMEMBER who Christ is and what he does for us!!

Healer~ Hillsong
♫ " You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands"♫

And just to share.... The above little boy has been one of my fears that God has protected and is currently healing. He made it through MAJOR surgery quite well! There were several scary days but God was watching out for our little one :) 

Picture?

 This is one of my recent projects :D Abby needs a dresser so we are not sharing 4 drawers.

 The house!

Sunsets...

What a week...

I've got good news...I've got bad news.....
Good news is that I got some GREAT news from my doctor! And some of that was that my A1C (sugar levels) are continuing to get better! YAY!
Bad news? I've had 2 friends die. Yeah this week. A friend from my early teens was in an accident. And a really good friend's Dad was diagnosed with cancer. Scary. These are the times I remember that God is in control "ALL things work together for the good to those that love the Lord." I need to constantly remember that. As hard as it is He is in control and it may not feel goo but it will be good for me. Something I'm struggling with is lack of joy in these times. I know that I cannot have joy by myself but only through HIM. Still I am having problems with this. Pray for me?

This week :-)

This week I have realized:
How much I miss my big sister.
How smart my younger sister is.
How much I have come to rely on texting.
How much I need to draw closer to God.
How much I miss being around my friends.
How quickly time flies even though the day itself creeps.
How much I want to have my own place.
How little steps take me to the bigger ones.
How busy I am going to be this fall.
How our past seriously effects the future.
Yeah I realized all of this and more. No nothing big and BAM but the little things. It seems like in the past year I went from a lil kid to an adult and its kinda scary! Everything is so fast! Too fast. Yeah it will all work out but I feel like YELLING *PAUSE*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-) It is all good though. I cant say that any of it has necessarily been bad, hard but not bad. Any way that is my jabbering for today :-)

been awhile...

So I've been a bit busy, but I hope that I will have a bit more time now that my one college course is done leaving me with only two. I've been struggling with my health still...... and to be honest I'm kinda fed up. I want to go back to normal but I know there is a reason for this. I often ask God why right now but there has to be a reason that I cannot yet see. I am waiting on what college I am going to be accepted into.... it is super scary not knowing. Well I'm going to get off but that is a quick update on what is going on!

Friends and shadowing......

The past two days I've been at the hospital a lot. Why you may ask? Well I am applying to ultrasound college and one of the requirements for doing so is to do what they call a "Career Assessment form" or what us students call shadowing. Sonography applicants are required to have at least 4 hours of watching Ultrasound techs preform different types of ultrasounds on patients at the hospital. For the past two days I have been doing exactly that. :-) What I wanted to share though is how amazing it is... I have in the past shadowed before and it has always been an amazing experience, but this year God showed me His amazing handiwork afresh. The first patient I observed was a 5 year old girl. I immediately picked up on several issues that she has, but could not say anything because of regulations. In this moment I felt God telling me that He was in control, that He made her like that for a reason. Through watching the different parts of her body in action He reminded me of the verse from Psalms 139: 
¹³ For You formed my inward parts;
         You covered me in my mother’s womb.
 ¹⁴ I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;^[b]
         Marvelous are Your works,
         And that my soul knows very well.  
He has created us to be marvelous, even in our crazy imperfections. There is no mistake.
Anyway I enjoyed doing that even though it was SUPER tiring. I had a break in between patients and was told to go do something sooooooooooo I went to my fave place! THE LIBRARY!!!!!!!!!! :-D I was looking at books when an old friend tackled me and we started talking then we sat down and continued our conversation. As we were talking 2 more friends came up that we had not seen in awhile and it was so great to catch up :-) Any who that was not all but I'm tired so night y'all!

Life never slows...

Life is insane... it seems like just when I am going to get a break something happens. :-) God is good through it all as always and I am grateful for it. The doctors have finally figured out part of my problem: I was diagnosed with Gastropresis. It is basically the slowing of the emptying of the stomach. Ahhh see that makes sense! I was always sick, getting sick to the stomach after eating, being nauseous, having severe pain in the abdominal area... so on and so forth. I am currently on a medication for it and am also on a diet. It is not fun and I might be stuck with it the rest of my life, but that is ok... :-) I'll survive! 

Other than the medical stuff I have been working on applying to colleges and continuing with my current college courses. I never seem to have time~even to sleep! Haha, I do sleep and am working on sleeping more but there never is enough time in a day. We have had a bit of snow lately making it hard for me to get places (like work) and our tractor is not helping by not starting... :-P But yeah in short that is the major stuff :-) Here are some recent pictures:

My girls... Glad to be in the warm barn...